SO....let me start with a little background for this blog. I was raised in a small town where you wave to the person you meet driving down the road, on a nice day you went for a drive just because, you headed home for dinner when the church bell chimed throughout the town, and you showed up for church and sunday school on sunday mornings. This wasn't something that was an option...well at least not at my house. I am forever thankful for this part of my childhood...probably the most important thing that my mom and grandparents did in my life. I also attended the Lutheran school that my church had and that is the second best thing that my family did for me...I wish that my boys could grow up and attend this school. My character was developed and nurtured here and my innocence was cherished. As a mother I wish that I could give my kids this kind of innocence...the world takes it away too fast these days and you have to be very intentional about keeping this for your children.
When I went off to college I had to find a church to attend because this small country church was no longer an option...so I tried many out and found one that fit and I attended there. If you ask me to this day I will say that I have been a Christian since I was a child. I wasn't raised in a church where you had a HUGE MOMENT where you prayed a prayer to accept Jesus as your savior...although I have always known that He was my God. Now fast forward to the fall of 2005...we had just moved to Nashville over the summer and I seriously will never forget the event that changed my "religious view" forever. I had started attending LCC because I liked the style of contemporary worship and I liked how welcoming the people were and being new to town it was exactly what I needed. Well I had been invited to a bunco game with some women in the community and one of the women there was someone that went to LCC so I knew who she was. We were actually developing a friendship at the time and oddly enough her husband had went to the same SMALL high school that I went to...although he was MUCH older hehehehe. Anyway, her name was Carrie Ford, and her and her husband Ryan had 2 kids at the time (they now have 3). Her kids were very young in fact her oldest was probably 3 at the time and her youngest was 1. We were at this bunco night and she was collecting donations for a mission trip that she was preparing to go on. She was headed to Moldova. I remember that night going home and telling Jason that I didn't understand how a mom with kids that young could leave her kids at home to travel that far...why not let the people with older kids or no kids do that. How could she leave the responsibility on her husband while she is gone and how amazing that he didn't seem to be upset at all...in fact he was supporting her. I remember that those words almost burned my tongue as I said them...seriously it was like immediately I was convicted with "Courtney how can she not go???" God was totally telling me that I was being ridiculous to believe that He couldn't or wouldn't use someone for Him just because we don't think it is the right time. I remember that day so vividly because that was the day that I finally understood the RELATIONSHIP that God wants from us...the total abandonment of ourselves for Him.
OK>...so on with my blog...sorry I am long winded today!!! This morning I was in church and I have been in a funk for the past few days because this Friday would have been my due date with Chesney. I have been bitter when people talk about the 19th and what they have planned for that day without even noticing how that should have been a wonderful day for our family. I have been annoyed that people are already starting to forget her and I hate that!!! Well as I was singing during worship this morning it hit me that unless my family and friends get to heaven, they will NEVER know Chesney. They will never see the gorgeous little girl that Jason and I saw. They will never know who she is or hear her sweet voice. I was so overwhelmed with this emotion that I knew immediately that I needed to blog about this. I know that this is probably making some of you uncomfortable and you are probably thinking that you didn't sign up for a pastors blog but rather a fertility or adoption blog...but this is so important to me that I had to say it.
Pastor Danny spoke from Romans 12 today and I don't want to put you thru a sermon but there are a few things that I want to hit on. The bible tells us that if we are truly transformed by the Spirit we will be a living sacrifice to God. Now in the old testament a sacrifice was made for the atonement of ones sins. That work that they did showed obedience and atoned for their sin. When Jesus came to this earth, took on flesh and bore our sin...ultimately died and rose from the grave the sacrifice was complete. There is no longer anything that you or I can do to earn our salvation or atone for our sins...Jesus did it!!! But the bible also tells us that if we believe all of that good news....we believe that Jesus was God, came to earth in flesh, died on the cross for our sins and rose from the grave...then our lives will be changed. We will bear the fruits of the spirit. If a tree is alive it is growing and bearing fruit but if a tree isn't growing then it is dying. I guess my point is for years I knew that Jesus died and was my God...I knew that I couldn't earn my way to heaven, and I knew that I was a Christian...what I didn't understand is the relationship and how we die to every part of ourselves and if you are a follower of Christ it isn't that God might work through you...it's that he WILL work through you!!!! God uses every situation that you face to glorify Him!!!! Being transformed is giving up control of our lives and telling God that you will do what he wants no matter how it makes you feel. God is infinitely better and infinitely wiser then we are!!! If you get cancer you use it to glorify God, if you have a successful job you use it to glorify God, if you lose a child you use it to glorify God....and that is what I am choosing to do......TO GOD BE THE GLORY!!!
Sunday, April 14, 2013
Thursday, April 4, 2013
MeiMei
Alright...I know that I just blogged not too long ago but I wanted to make sure to get this story out there because I figure people that know my children will be asking about it!!! SO....we have been trying to think of what to call the "little sister" from China, since we don't have a name and we don't even know who she is yet. It is really important that she has a name because Grady was getting really confused because we talk about baby Chesney being in heaven but then we talk about little sister in China. So he began to say that Baby Chesney was in China....well I didn't like that because it was almost like he was going to think that baby Chesney in heaven didn't really exist and I didn't want her to be forgotten so I knew we had to think of something. So...I looked up Chinese for little sister which is MeiMei (pronounced MayMay). Well this was perfect....it is easy for Grady to say and both boys could use this....so from now on we are going to refer to our China Doll as MeiMei until she has an official name!!! This will not be her name....but it is a way that the boys can talk about their "little sister" without being confused about Chesney who is in heaven.
I sent a video to a few people today where I asked Grady who his sisters were and he said Chesney in Heaven and MeiMei in China...this is exactly as it should be. She may be gone but her presence for those short months was very real for us and for our boys....she also made the adoption of MeiMei possible. God really used her to change our family and we know that she will forever be a big part of our family. I want to make sure that the boys remember that she existed and that we loved her.
So...if you see my boys and either of them talk about MeiMei...just know that this isn't going to be her name....but it's what we are going to lovingly refer to her as until she has an official name...which will be much much later after we see her sweet face!!! Also if you just want a good laugh and you know Grady ask him about it...it is so cute to hear him talk about it!!!!
I sent a video to a few people today where I asked Grady who his sisters were and he said Chesney in Heaven and MeiMei in China...this is exactly as it should be. She may be gone but her presence for those short months was very real for us and for our boys....she also made the adoption of MeiMei possible. God really used her to change our family and we know that she will forever be a big part of our family. I want to make sure that the boys remember that she existed and that we loved her.
So...if you see my boys and either of them talk about MeiMei...just know that this isn't going to be her name....but it's what we are going to lovingly refer to her as until she has an official name...which will be much much later after we see her sweet face!!! Also if you just want a good laugh and you know Grady ask him about it...it is so cute to hear him talk about it!!!!
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
oh the paperwork
Although we have only just begun I am amazed at the amount of paperwork being required!!! We have already done the preliminary application and formal application and are now beginning the home study. We received the home study packet paperwork yesterday. I of course immediately printed it out thinking I would get it finished and get to move on. Boy was I shocked at the amount of paperwork lol. So Jason and I sat down last night and started knocking them out....we really had a huge stack of the finished but the stack yet to do is even bigger lol. We also found out that during this process we have to get "credits" by reading books and writing a paper on it or doing a class online. You are required a certain amount of these before the home study is finished, between home study and referral, and between referral and travel. Seems totally crazy that we are thinking about travel already when it will probably be 2 years before that but I really think the process is going to move along pretty quick since there is SOOOO much BUSY WORK!!!
So as I understand it during the home study we are basically getting clearance from the IL government that we are ok to adopt....then we will do our dossier, which in our house I am not allowed to use that word because jason hates it...I have no idea why...so we call it the packet....and that is a TON more paperwork that we have to do that basically gives us the Federal clearance. Also talked to one of the people we put as a referral yesterday and he received an email from the agency with a form he had to fill out about us. You know most of the time you put references down for jobs or apartments and they are never called...but this agency is being thorough and I assume they contacted all 6 of our references!! We also have to have a letter written for each of our children by someone that knows them well. I guess they want to see how well adjusted they are and also what kind of parents we are. So, today I need to start mailing back some of the paperwork that we have finished and put the copies of what is finished in my binder. So the binder....
On friday night I went to the house of the family I told you I followed while they were in China and that is the turning point that God showed me that adoption is the right direction for us. Well I got to meet their sweet adorable daughter.....man oh man did my heart smile!!! I am so excited to have our little China doll home!!! Anyway, I got to look thru her finished paperwork and get a good handle on the best way to organized the amount of paperwork that would be required...and boy was she organized!!! So.....I am doing that as I go and someday our little girl might want to look thru this as our boys like to look thru their baby book or hear stories about when I was pregnant with them. I have also started writing a little journal page every day about what we are doing that day or things that happened that day....because she could be born any day and when we see what her birth date is I want to be able to look back and see what we were doing that day!!!
We have started really talking to the boys about this and making sure that they are on board and let me tell you...they are BOTH so excited!!! I asked them yesterday if they wanted us to get them a sister from China and they both ecstatically proclaimed YES!!! I asked Connor what he wanted to name her and he said "Ni Hao"...which for those of you that don't know yet, that means hello in Chinese...it is basically the only Chinese I have told them...well that and that GeGe is brother....they think that is so funny because they call their grandma gladson GiGi. So anyway I told Connor that we probably couldn't name her hello....so he agreed to think on it some more!! It was so sweet though because he asked me if they have to keep this a secret like they did when we found out we were pregnant with Chesney......I love that boy, he has the most tender heart....I said nope Connor you can tell whoever you want!!! Connor has already told us that he really wants to go to China with us to see the great wall of china....and although I would love to take him just not sure about that yet. We will have to make that decision at a much later date.
So....I am sure that all of this paperwork isn't going to be very interesting to all of you but I am going to blog about it just so that I have it to print later for our little China doll to read. The next few weeks will consist of getting passports, getting our marriage license, continuing paperwork, fingerprints, background checks and starting our education credits. If there is anyone out there that is thinking about adoption I will say this. Although it isn't an easy process at all, it is definitely something that any one could do if they really wanted to!!! I am to the point where the excitement is so great that all the busy work just keeps my mind off of the long process so I think it helps to have this overwhelming amount of paperwork!! I would also say pick a good agency because they can help at least keep you organized with what you have done and what you still have to do!! And the last amount of advice I would give you is to find someone that has done it before and ask them a million questions. Last friday was so educational for me and also like therapy....it was great to see the finished product or at least talk to someone that knows exactly what I am going thru. I can't wait to be that person that gets to help someone else thru the process!!!!
So as I understand it during the home study we are basically getting clearance from the IL government that we are ok to adopt....then we will do our dossier, which in our house I am not allowed to use that word because jason hates it...I have no idea why...so we call it the packet....and that is a TON more paperwork that we have to do that basically gives us the Federal clearance. Also talked to one of the people we put as a referral yesterday and he received an email from the agency with a form he had to fill out about us. You know most of the time you put references down for jobs or apartments and they are never called...but this agency is being thorough and I assume they contacted all 6 of our references!! We also have to have a letter written for each of our children by someone that knows them well. I guess they want to see how well adjusted they are and also what kind of parents we are. So, today I need to start mailing back some of the paperwork that we have finished and put the copies of what is finished in my binder. So the binder....
On friday night I went to the house of the family I told you I followed while they were in China and that is the turning point that God showed me that adoption is the right direction for us. Well I got to meet their sweet adorable daughter.....man oh man did my heart smile!!! I am so excited to have our little China doll home!!! Anyway, I got to look thru her finished paperwork and get a good handle on the best way to organized the amount of paperwork that would be required...and boy was she organized!!! So.....I am doing that as I go and someday our little girl might want to look thru this as our boys like to look thru their baby book or hear stories about when I was pregnant with them. I have also started writing a little journal page every day about what we are doing that day or things that happened that day....because she could be born any day and when we see what her birth date is I want to be able to look back and see what we were doing that day!!!
We have started really talking to the boys about this and making sure that they are on board and let me tell you...they are BOTH so excited!!! I asked them yesterday if they wanted us to get them a sister from China and they both ecstatically proclaimed YES!!! I asked Connor what he wanted to name her and he said "Ni Hao"...which for those of you that don't know yet, that means hello in Chinese...it is basically the only Chinese I have told them...well that and that GeGe is brother....they think that is so funny because they call their grandma gladson GiGi. So anyway I told Connor that we probably couldn't name her hello....so he agreed to think on it some more!! It was so sweet though because he asked me if they have to keep this a secret like they did when we found out we were pregnant with Chesney......I love that boy, he has the most tender heart....I said nope Connor you can tell whoever you want!!! Connor has already told us that he really wants to go to China with us to see the great wall of china....and although I would love to take him just not sure about that yet. We will have to make that decision at a much later date.
So....I am sure that all of this paperwork isn't going to be very interesting to all of you but I am going to blog about it just so that I have it to print later for our little China doll to read. The next few weeks will consist of getting passports, getting our marriage license, continuing paperwork, fingerprints, background checks and starting our education credits. If there is anyone out there that is thinking about adoption I will say this. Although it isn't an easy process at all, it is definitely something that any one could do if they really wanted to!!! I am to the point where the excitement is so great that all the busy work just keeps my mind off of the long process so I think it helps to have this overwhelming amount of paperwork!! I would also say pick a good agency because they can help at least keep you organized with what you have done and what you still have to do!! And the last amount of advice I would give you is to find someone that has done it before and ask them a million questions. Last friday was so educational for me and also like therapy....it was great to see the finished product or at least talk to someone that knows exactly what I am going thru. I can't wait to be that person that gets to help someone else thru the process!!!!
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