INFERTILITY BITES!!!!

So I am a lover of music...I like things with a good beat or a good story.  However, once in a great while there is a song that ever lyric seems to speak to you.  I have a song that reminds me of each of my kids, including Chesney, that every time I hear it I go back to where I was and how I was feeling during that time.  It is no secret that we have struggled with infertility for YEARS, pretty much since I had Connor 9.5 years ago.  This song is one of those songs that has just totally spoke the words of my heart during our infertility...all of it....thru the pregnancies, miscarriages, Chesney and now Mabry.  Every time it comes on my ipod I play it as loud as I can stand, I sing as loud as I possibly can, and I feel EVERY SINGLE WORD.  This song came on today when I was in the car alone and I played it 4 times because it just speaks to me so strongly!!!!  I felt the sense of urgency to post about it and share it as I know so many people that are struggling with their own infertility journeys and maybe this is for them.  I am not sure if you are the one that is suppose to read this, if you are suppose to share this with someone that you know might need it at this moment, or if you are suppose to tuck it in the back of your brain for another time...all I know is that I heard loud and clear that I should post it.  I hope that you enjoy!!!

Moving on!!!!!

So yesterday, oct 8, 2013, I got an email from my social worker saying that she received the letter of approval from DCFS saying that they had approved our home study!!  Not that we were afraid that they wouldn't but this means that we are OFFICIALLY on to immigration!!!  So yesterday she put the approval letter and copy of our home study into the mail!!  I have the paperwork and supporting documents for the I-800A (immigration paperwork) together and as soon as I get the home study approval letter and the actual home study to put in there then I will be ready to submit the I-800A. I assume that this process will take about a month to get approved but really that is just what I am hoping, I think the website says that they will have it done within 90 days. So here is a specific prayer request, pray for a speedy trip thru immigration!!  We will receive an appointment from homeland security to be fingerprinted AGAIN, this time by the FEDS...so once we get that appointment that means that they are working on ours. So today or tomorrow I should be able to submit my immigration paperwork and then we will start preparing our dossier to send to Chiba while we wait for immigration approval!!!!  Things are really starting to move!!!!!!

a little update!!

Ok so I wanted to start with this picture since I spoke about it in a previous blog.  This is Alex with Fred bird and John Mabry - and this event is why we have chosen to name our little China doll Mabry....check out my previous blog but basically it is all about character and humility and just being a darn good person!!!

Since I wanted to post this picture I also want to give you a bit of an update!!!  So we met with our social worker on thursday of last week and read thru our home study.  She had her supervisor reviewing it also and this week it should be sent to DCFS for their IL state approval.  She said in the mean time that we should be putting together our I800A which is our immigration approval paperwork.  So the state approval will take about 2 weeks so I filled out the I800A and am in the process of reordering all our birth certificates because in the life of adoption they only have a 6 month shelf life, so the ones I ordered in March are no longer good.  So basically I just have to wait for those to come back and our IL approval and then we will mail it off for immigration approval to bring Mabry here!!!  Then the next step once we have immigration approval is to gather and submit our dossier to China.  Once that has been submitted we will receive a log in date and that is when the official "wait" begins.  Our agency said that they feel the longest we will wait is 6 months for a referral but we believe that God is in complete control so we will wait how ever long we need to but are hoping it is sooner than later.  The way it works though is once you have a LID (log in date) you are officially eligible for a referral so we will wait and see what God has in store....this paper trail has an end in sight!!!!!!

Thanks for following along on this journey with us...more exciting things to come!!!!

Whales...do they still exist?

So today in church Pastor did another great sermon and although this isn't what he was preaching about his sermon totally led to this blog!!!  During his sermon he said that Christians today think that if only God would send a whale to swallow me when I am going the wrong way that I would then know what God wants for me....now his sermon went on from there but this is where I am staying...because He totally DOES!!!!  Now that whale might not be a fish in the ocean, although I am certain He totally could if he wanted to!!!  I have had many "whales" in my life in the past 10 years!!!

Although adoption has always been something that I have been interested in, Jason and I would NEVER be where we are today, in the process of adopting a special needs daughter from China, without all the "whales" we have experienced!!!  I am telling you it is pure obedience that has brought us here!!!  This was NOT our plan for our life....and we learned from the "whales" that when we run from what God has planned for us you will NEVER win....he will use the "whales" over and over until you become obedient to where He wants you.  And I will say that we must really be slow learners!!!

During the "whales" that we know as 6 miscarriages, we still looked at that as though maybe it wasn't the right time, or maybe God thought that we were done having kids.  So instead of fully listening to where God was leading us we both were more comfortable with the idea that the timing wasn't right or that we should be done with having kids.  I prayed that God would take the desire for more children away from me and that I would be content with the family that I had.  I will say that I did receive an answer to that prayer as the desire never left, so I knew that God was calling us to have more children, what I didn't know is how.  So then we got pregnant with Miss Chesney and felt like the timing had been right and that our family would be complete.  Honestly without the pregnancy of Chesney, adoption would have never happened.  The miscarriages never opened Jason's heart to adoption.  It was in the delivery room with Chesney that Jason looked at me and said, "I don't ever want to see you go thru this again, when you are ready we are goign to talk about adoption".  Now at this time those were just words, but it sure didn't take long before those words became a clearer picture.  We still weren't obedient as we went from there to the idea of surrogacy.  This would be awesome, we had an amazing person that was excited to be a surrogate for us so surely this is where God wants us...WRONG again!!  The final "whale" was when the door to surrogacy abruptly shut without any warning and against all odds!!!

So....finally we became obedient to where God wanted us, and we are totally at peace that this is exactly where we are suppose to be.  Lucky for Jonah it only took 1 whale for him to see that God had a plan for him.  Jason and I didn't get it as quickly but God was faithful in continuing to send those "whales" in order to show us His perfect plan for us!!!

So I just want to say that if you are truly praying and searching for what God has planned in your life, He will totally use a whale, figuratively or actually, to get your attention and to lead you to obedience!!!  Trust that He is sovereign!!  I had someone just the other day say that my blog is making them consider adoption.  Now this is a family that was otherwise DONE having kids.  I hope to do many things thru this blog:  advocate for orphans, advocate for adoption, and show people that being obedient to God leads to the most amazing results.  I will say that adoption isn't for everyone...but just because you are comfortable with your life now doesn't mean that God isn't having you read my blog to show you that you aren't being obedient to His calling.  Maybe He is calling you to buy a shirt, help with other fundraisers that we will do for the orphanage, read the book I blogged about and gain a heart for the orphaned, adopt, or  just find the obedience in another part of your life.  God doesn't promise that we will live this perfect, comfortable little life.  I promise though that although this isn't where Jason and I would have designed our life to be we are beyond excited for this journey!!!

MUST READ

Ok...So I am literally typing this blog just as fast as I can...it is like my brain is working so fast that my fingers can't keep up.  I have never felt as strong about anything as I do at this moment so I hope you are all prepared to listen!!!  So I downloaded 2 books this morning, I know that anyone that knows me and is reading this thinks that is pretty funny because I HATE to read.  Anyway, they are both by the author Kay Bratt.  I am already almost finished with the first one and it is a book that every single person on the planet must read!!!!  The title of the book is "Silent Tears" by Kay Bratt.  I won't tell you too much because I honestly feel so serious about everyone reading and not only that but buy the kindle version and get it on your ipad, iphone or any ebook device so that you can start reading it today!!!  Here is just a little bit about the book, Kay moved to China and lived there for approximately 4 years due to her husbands job.  While she was there she was a volunteer at an orphanage there and this book is basically the journal that she kept while she was there.  It is brutally honest and raw and something that anyone from this great country couldn't possibly imagine!!!

I am more serious then ever about my fundraising for the orphans in China!!!  I have been a bit saddened by the fact that everyone isn't jumping at the opportunity to spend $20, get a shirt in return but  be helping such a great cause.  Now I am on fire!!!!  I am going to be planning many more fundraisers in the future.  Please know that we are paying for our own adoption, that is NOT what this fundraising is about.  This is about raising enough to pay the debt that the orphanage tells us that we have to pay for them having our daughter there for how ever long...and then any extra we can raise will be donated in the form of special bottles for babies with Cleft lip/cleft palate, bars of soap, diapers, formula, toys, clothing and anything else that will be used specifically for the children in the orphanage and their care!!!!

I want to say that I seriously hate to read!!!!  If you are sitting there not even considering getting this book to read because you just don't like to read I promise you will be so appalled by what is going on in this book that you won't be able to put it down.  I also challenge you to read it and consider donating in the form of a check, buying a tshirt, or participating in any other fundraiser that we will be doing such as a possible trivia night or something along those lines.  At this point we have raised a minimal amount but I hope to raise enough to make a different to the one orphanage that we will come in contact with.  Please read the book!!!  Get informed with what these poor precious helpless babies are going thru on a daily basis!!!!!  Then if God opens your heart consider a shirt for the people in your family who sleep on a mattress, in the warmth of your house, and eat meals until they are full with snacks in the middle, and take hot showers daily, and run and play with toys or even get to go outside!!!!!  Know that there are children on the other side of the world that use their fingers for entertainment or softly stroke their own arms in order to feel some sort of human loving touch.  I also want to say that not all orphanages are bad....but all orphanages are full of children who can't possibly get the kind of care that a child deserves, even if the nannies there have the best intentions.  So this isn't about bad nannies...it's about orphans!!!!  God doesn't call us all to adopt but He does call us all to help orphans!!!!  Also if you have an idea for a fundraiser please contact me.  I am willing to do what I need to because at this point this is a mission trip that hopefully I will get to go on next year and as any other mission trip that your church plans there has to be funds in order to get the supplies needed to help these sweet, innocent children!!!!!!  Also if you have a church that would want to get involved and help me sell my shirts please let me know!!!  The shirts are an easy way for someone to help and they can have something in return!!!  I would be grateful to put them for sale in a church bulletin or even if I need to make a trip there on a sunday I will be up for that too.....together we can do this!!!

BIG DECISIONS

Ok, well I have been agonizing over this decision for a little while now but it is finally made....let me take you back!!!  A few months ago I was on a walk at the state lake by my house, it wasn't out of the ordinary for me to be walking out there.  At the end of the walk as I was almost to my mail box I noticed a car drive past and I kept walking noticing that they turned around and were headed back.  Well I turned down my road and so did the car and stopped next to me.  It was a guy that had moved to Collinsville but when he lived in Nashville he went to church with us.  Anyway he asked about our adoption and said that he had a relative that was in the process of getting her second child from China and that her experience had been great and he thought she might be a good reference for us.  So I got her name and figured I probably wouldn't talk to her but it might be neat to read her story as lots of people that adopt do blogs as well.  So I did what anyone would do and facebooked her name.  Well eventually her and I began chatting on facebook.  I was immediately shocked by her adoption timeline...it was obvious that God had really designed her story as it was an unheard of timeline.  I immediately started thinking about whether I was with the right agency.  I just couldn't believe that someone could have the experience that she had.  In talking to her though I met another lady that adopted using the same agency and her story was very similar.  Just an amazing experience that you just don't usually hear about.

So I started praying about what all this means for us.  I put it on the back burner and was just going to pray about it.  Well in the mean time I had some things pop up with my social worker, things that she should have known but that I ended up teaching her.  I have never adopted before and she is a social worker in charge of adoption....she should have known this stuff.  That started to make me question the relationship with my agency as I just didn't feel right with them.  Ever since the convo with the social worker at the beginning where she basically said that maybe I should find a new agency...I just haven't felt like they were on my team...I felt more like I was walking on egg shells trying to keep them happy so that they didn't kick me out of their agency.  Well this put me into really praying about whether we were with the right agency.  So...I began asking others to pray with me.  Well I have been doing research and talking to the agency and what I really like is that basically they are a China Special Needs agency...they aren't dipping in the domestic and all of that...their heart is really for the China Special Needs children.  They go to China and have relationships with 3 orphanages where they get all the referrals from those institutes....and they also participate in the shared list.  So.....today clarity came.  I can't tell you what happened.  I can tell you that I haven't slept well in 3 days just seriously stressing over this but today it just became clear!!  I met these ladies all because it was God's plan and I really feel like we have been led to this new agency.  I am just trusting even tho it is really scary!!!  So....I will spend the next couple of weeks getting all the stuff together to change agencies.  For those wondering, we don't start over...we will basically pick up where we are however because this agency is smaller we will get more attention and should get things moving faster.  So please continue to pray for us that this is where God wants us to be.  Also pray that we are one step closer to meeting Mabry.

Waiting isn't that fun

Well there is no real news about the process as we are still waiting for the international team to approve our home study.  Our social worker said today that they must have gotten hit with a bunch at one time...ugh.  After they approve it, we will then submit it to DCFS to be approved but once approved by the international team the DCFS approval is certain, just a step that has to be done.

I tried to order Cardinal tshirts that you can personalize and have Mabry and 47 put on the back but a week later I got an email saying that they couldnt' make those because basically since Mabry is retired they can no longer use his name and number.  I then stopped by the Cardinal Store at the mall where you can buy jerseys and have a players name and number put on the back.  I explained my story to the lady at the desk and she said that even though she wasn't suppose to she would do it for me because of our story.  SO I bought all 4 jerseys before she could change her mind.  It was like Christmas to get those Jerseys!!!!  I do want to get a red cardinals jersey in a toddlers size for her and have it personalized at that same store.  The lady said that they didn't have a red one that small but if I found one she would personalize it for me.  So I will see if I can find it.  How cute would it be for us to all wear it the day she returns off the plane and for her to have one on too!!!!!  I sure hope it all works out!!!

So here we are just waiting but that is something that God is really helping me with.  I am becoming much more aware that this is just the way the process is, I cannot change it, and therefore I just have to go with the flow and things will happen when they are meant to happen!!!  I have been watching youtube videos of "gotcha days" and found a video where they went to the childs orphanage.....I will say that there will be many tears shed in China....both happy and excited tears but also tears of sadness for the ones left behind.  Definitely a very eye opening experience so far and I cannot even imagine the lessons on the horizon.  Remember that ALL the money raised from the tshirts go to the orphanage....Mabry is a lucky one that will get a loving family but there are many that remain and we want to do our part to help them.