Time Marches on.....

Random I know, but one of Connor's favorite songs is "Time Marches On" by Tracy Lawrence.  I know that anyone that knows me very well is laughing and thinking, he is just like his mom!!  Anyway, the song talks about how life changes and time moves on.  I know that I have spoke about this before but yesterday I was struck twice with different emotions.  First when I got home and saw the mail sitting on the island there was a card for me from Mercy HeartPrints.  I knew exactly what it was.  St John's Mercy has a program called HeartPrints.  I will say that if anyone lives by a hospital and there isn't a program like this I challenge you to get involved and help start one!!!  This program is headed by a nurse who delivered a still born child years ago.  It is full of moms like me that have delivered a still born child and want to help others like us.  So the day that I was admitted to the hospital I met the leader of this group and she visited me every day until we left the hospital.  At first I was annoyed by her....I didn't want my friends there, so why would I want this stranger to keep coming in and asking me about my feelings and how I am doing.  Little did I know how much this lady would do for me in the coming days!!!  She had explained to me that she would be there when Chesney was born and after I was done holding her and ready to hand her over that she would take Chesney for a little while.  At that point I was focused on the labor and didn't really pay attention to what she was saying.  So the day came....I know it's hard to believe because she was so small but Chesney's delivery was VERY painful and of course VERY long.  She was delivered without anyone in the room as once it happens it goes quick.  So Jason was the one that told me that she was here and then he ran out to get the nurse.  She then called the "HeartPrints lady".  So they took her to the side table and wiped her off for a minute and then handed her to me.  Jason and I held her for quite awhile and then the doctors needed to work on me some more so the "HeartPrints lady" took her and told me to call her when I wanted her to bring her back.

I really had no idea what was happening during that time but seriously let me tell you how amazing this lady is!!!  She took Chesney and gave her a bath and then did pictures for me.  She took some of the same pictures that we did of her but the one that she took that we never would have thought of is the picture that you have seen if I have showed you any picture.  It was a picture of the bottom of her little feet.  The other thing that she did is hand prints and foot prints.  What a cherished memory of mine!!!!  I have it framed as well as the foot picture.  It's amazing how small the footprints are but how in the picture the feet look so big.  Anyway, when they brought her back she also brought me things like the blanket that she was wrapped in, and a little homemade beaded ring made of beads and then the letter beads spelled out ANGEL.  They had used it in the pictures of her so that you can see a size reference as it looks huge by her but it is a ring.  She gave me ALL those memories of my sweet Chesney.  How amazing is that!!!!!  So anyway I opened what I knew would be a mothers day card because they sent me a homemade ornament at christmas and other cards along the way.  What I didn't expect to find in the mothers day card was a matching ring to the ANGEL ring I received at the hospital but his time with MOM on it.  Oh how I will cherish it!!!  I smiled when I got it...I didn't cry....that is progress!!!!

Also yesterday we had an all day training at work...it was long and not really all that fun.  At the end of the training after most of the girls had gone home the trainer was asking about grady who had just left.  She asked if this was our only child and I said no that we had an older boy that was at school.  She said "awe no beautiful blonde haired little girl?"  Now not too long ago this would have been a huge trigger to my emotions but I was able to respond...."no, but we are in the process of adopting a little black haired girl from China".  Not that I want to forget about Chesney because we talk about her all the time here....but I don't feel the need to put strangers in that awkward position of listening to what I know they don't need to hear.  Now it's strange how time marches on....but it sure does.