Catching up....

WOWWY....I have wanted to blog so many times in the last 3 weeks but have been soooo busy and haven't had time to sit down and give it the justice that it deserves.  First of all Chesney's due date has come and gone and I want to thank all those of you that sent me your thoughts that day, cards and especially the prayers.  Boy did I feel the prayers!!!  I was prepared for the emotions of that day and to be honest, the sadness was there but no more so then every other minute that I think about it.  Maybe that day I spent a lot more time thinking about her but I made it thru and was fine.  I did make a trip out to the cemetery while Grady was sleeping in the car and it was amazing to see that there is no longer a big lump of dirt, it was as though the burial was years ago not just 4 short months ago.  I guess it is with everything else, time keeps going.  I often go back "home" to St Peter and see someone that when I left was just a little kid, now they are graduating high school or already in college.  It's amazing how I feel like I haven't aged that many years but to see them all grown up is a tough reminder that time is moving quickly.  I guess that is how I felt at the grave that day, time is moving on whether I like it or not so I need to just keep up cause my boys need me to.  So I guess April 19 was a great day where I felt Chesney and God really giving me permission to start focusing on MeiMei and not spending so much energy being sad.  I know that Chesney is in God's hands and she is looking down at me and I want to make her proud and be a good example for her, just like I would want to do if she were here with me. 

April 20!!!  Wowwy, while we had Grady's bday party on this beautiful day, across the world China felt an earthquake of 7.0.  After hearing about this I spent some time wondering, is MeiMei already born and left at an orphanage?  Is she born and still with her birth mom who is struggling with whether to parent or not?  Will the earthquake be the reason the mom couldn't parent?  Is she even born yet?  It's so crazy the things that go thru your mind.  I mean I love MeiMei and I don't know anything about her.  She may not even be born yet!!!  My mind does wonder if this earthquake in any way will be the reason that MeiMei's birth mom couldn't parent.  Or whether she is already in the orphanage.  I know that even when we have MeiMei the only answer we will have is the day that she entered the orphanage because almost all babies that are in the orphanages in China are abandoned somewhere, it isn't like here where the mom calls an agency and hands the baby over to an agency worker, the child is actually abandoned on a door step.  Now sometimes they may have a note that gives their birthday but more than not the birthday that we are giving in the referral is just the orphanages best guess.  With newborns they go by how fresh the umbilical cord is....with older children I suppose it is the best guess of the drs. 

At Jason's office we just updated to an all digital system.  The medical world as a whole is required to be digital by a certain time so this was something that had to happen.  However, I will say that I knew when we decided to do this how much time it was going to take from me, I would have waited until all of our homestudy and dossier (packet as Jason likes to call it) were finished.  I totally feel like the adoption has been put on the back burner in a way because I am working at least 5 days a week and usually like 10 hours a day and there doesn't seem to be an end in sight yet.  Then I come home and want to spend time with the boys until they have to go to bed.  Then when they are in bed I have things to do like putting deposits in the books, paying the bills, doing payroll, or balancing the work account.  This leaves a very exhausted Courtney and not any time to be working on adoption.  Now I think looking back I understood how much paperwork was going to be involved....but I wasn't prepared.  Now what does that mean...well I knew and expected LOTS of paperwork and there is definitely LOTS of paperwork.  I just wasn't prepared for how much time it was going to take.  I am the type of person that when I get an assignment in school I immediately got it done so that I didn't have it on my mind all the time.  Or I love to make to do lists as to be able to get jobs done to cross off the list.  I love the feeling of being finished!!!  Well with adoption it isn't stuff that you can just get done...it is a lot of going here and getting this, and then going here and getting this.  Not something I can just get all done quickly.  Now on top of that I am working all the time so it drives me nuts that I am not getting things checked off the list like I would like.  On top of the fingerprinting, financial papers, references, letters for our kids, and home study we have to do 30+ hours of continuing education.  Right now Jason and I each are doing 10 hours of online classes for our "hague training".  I'm not complaining because I know that these are things that have to be checked off and the reward is bringing our daughter home...but I'm just saying for all of those that are wondering about the timeline that I am HOPING to be logged in by the end of the year but I think I am going to really have to be working hard to get that done, which I have no problem with. 

Yesterday Jason and I completed our ALL DAY training that is required by Bethany (our agency) in order to continue on with the home study.  This means that we can officially finish our paperwork and move right on to the home visits.  Therefore now I am on a dash to get finished up with the paperwork.  This is going to mean a trip to Belleville at some point this week because I need to get our marriage certificate, and also ALOT of online classes and books to read...but I know that I can do it.  I am ready to get the homestudy under our belt and have smooth sailing from then on.  So if you see me at the office or in passing and I look tired know that I probably am tired but that I am enjoying every piece of this adoption puzzle.  I just wish I hadn't taken on all the other stuff.  The adoption stuff isn't the annoying stuff that has to get done it is the other things that are keeping me from working on the adoption that are the annoying stuff!!!  This journey is interesting and stretching me out of my comfort zone but I am so thankful for that.