Elation to Frustration

I expected a roller coaster ride when we signed up for this, heck every one of my pregnancies have been one so why would this be any different.  It's amazing how excited I was just over a week ago about finishing my paperwork and now I am frustrated.  On May 24, I talked to my agency and was informed that they had received my paperwork and that everything was in place.  She said that since Monday was a holiday that tuesday or wednesday I would be hearing from my social worker with our home study approval and then get to schedule our home visits.  So Tuesday came and went with no word, and then Wednesday came and still no call.  I decided Wed afternoon before they closed I would call my social worker and see if she knew anything yet.  She told me that she was so busy that she didn't have time to go over it yet, and that she was told that she should go ahead and schedule my home visits.  She said that again she is so busy that my first visit couldn't be until the last thursday of June.....now I know that no one else is keeping score like me, but I got my paperwork done in 7 weeks and now I have to wait 5 weeks from then to even start my home visits.  Talk about being bummed out and frustrated!!!!  That is just 5 weeks that nothing is being done and that is also 5 weeks longer until we get on the waiting list to wait for our daughter.  But since this isn't something that I could change I scheduled our visits.  The next day which was Thursday I called the social worker again to see if our home study had been approved yet....not that I am worried but you just want to hear those words when you have spent SO much time getting your information together.  Again she told me that she hadn't been able to review it yet.  I figured since I had expressed my anxiousness that surely by close on friday I would hear something....NOTHING!!!  So I went all weekend again with that knot in my gut just wanting to hear those words!!!

So, Monday came and I decided to call the lady in St Louis at the agency that actually has my paperwork and she wasn't available so I asked to speak with the director.  Well I got her machine and left a message just for her to call me....I have come to realize if you tell people what you want it will be much longer to get a call back.  So then I called my social worker just to see if she had the answer....for something that was going to take a day to review and get back to me I think giving them over a week is plenty of time.  So when she told me again that she hadn't been able to approve it, I wasn't that happy!! I expressed to her that I was getting frustrated because the only time I hear from them is when I call them and I feel like I have to call and call to get any response.  She stated that she didn't want to make excuses but that they are short staffed because someone is on maternity leave so obviously the pregnant girls have to come first because they have a deadline.  I also told her that I was frustrated that even starting my home visits was going to be a long wait and just expressed the things that were becoming frustrating.  She told me that she would try to get back to me after she talked to her boss.  So she called me back and told me that she couldn't officially approve the home study yet but that she glanced over it and it looked fine.  Ok well that's something....still a little annoying but she was trying.  Then she went on to tell me that if I wanted we could do a conference call with her and her boss and discuss whether this was going to be a good fit.  She said that if I am already having trouble waiting then maybe adoption or this program wasn't the best decision for me as it is all about waiting.....ok.....momma bear almost came out.  I was holding back tears when I expressed to her that I am fully prepared to wait for my daughter but I am not even on the waiting list yet and obviously I want to do everything I can to get on the list sooner then later.  I then told her that I felt like I had expressed how I was feeling to her and their solution was to basically what seemed to me as trying to suggest that maybe I should leave their program.  I seriously was almost in tears so I just told her that I didn't feel a conference call was necessary and that I would just basically deal with it because this is the path to my daughter.

So.....I get home and Jason is home for lunch and I start to tell him what had just happened and I was still upset.  He obviously was upset too as you expect your agency to be advocates for you and want to be your support and what we felt like we got was just people who didn't want to deal with us.  Also I feel like I am working so hard to get everything done that I can and they are making me wait 5 weeks....I get that I have to wait but I don't like wasting time to even get to start the process to get to be a waiting family.  So while we are talking and he is getting frustrated my phone rings and it is the agency and all of a sudden I remember that I had left a message for the director.  I decided not to answer the phone because the last thing I wanted was to be officially kicked out of the agency.  Jason insisted that I answer the phone as this is our agency and we need to know that they are on our side.  So I did and I am so thankful that I did.  On the phone was the director whom we had met because she ran the all day class that we took.  She was so nice.  I told her I was afraid to talk to her because of what might happen and she said that it was totally fine and she was happy that I expressed my feelings to her.  She also said that I wouldn't be black listed for speaking out and that they are short staffed but that just because of that the people using their agency now shouldn't have to suffer.  So she was headed into a staff meeting and was going to try to find a solution to the problems.  Unfortunately I don't think this is going to make my home visits any sooner but that is just something I am going to have to get over.

It's a tough situation because you want to make sure that you are watching out for your family but at the same time these people decide if you are approved, how long they wait to approve you, and everything else so you don't want to make them mad.  I am still frustrated as it is now June 4th and we still haven't been officially approved but again I guess I am just going to have to get over it.  I do want to say for all of you that have been thru the process or might be thinking this....I am fully prepared to wait....I just want to get to where we are waiting for our daughter and some of this waiting seems excessive!!!

So here we are.....elation to frustration.  I still feel like God led us to this agency and I know that no agency is perfect.  We are all human and they can't help it that they have someone on maternity leave.  I just know that this is a once in a lifetime opportunity for our family and I need to make sure that I stay on top of it.....We can't wait to meet MeiMei and that is what we are doing all of this for.