Memory...tricky little devil or angel

Alright so I was in Chicago this weekend with my husband for a conference and on the way home I got a phone call that said that my 2 week old nephew was being helicoptered to St Louis because he was having spells of apnea.  So luckily my train was to arrive in St Louis about the same time the helicopter was going to get there.  I went straight to the hospital and sat with the baby until his parents could get there and I could take his brothers to an apartment close to the hospital.  Where am I going with this??  Well on the second day of being at the hospital I looked at the mom and said, I am sure you are sick of hospitals since you just were in there having them 2 weeks ago and now this...she looked at me and said, ya I don't know how you did it with Grady being in there for 5.5 weeks.  Funny thing about that, it didn't even cross my mind.  Although yes I know that Grady was in the NICU for that long and that I was there every single day, when I was empathizing with her at that moment, I just couldn't imagine how hard it must be for her, when in reality I had been there just 2.5 years ago dealing with apnea episodes of our own.  Funny how my memory didn't take me to that sad time but rather allowed me to really empathize with her because deep down I know exactly what she is going thru, without actually thinking about what we had went thru. 

So I was thinking about this on my drive home from the hospital and then I thought, wow, God is really amazing.  When I was pregnant with Grady and with Chesney I had to do belly shots of blood thinner and the big butt shots of progesterone.  It wasn't something that I enjoyed at all but it was just part of my pregnancies and I was fine with that.  Well then I started thinking how Kelly is going to have to do the same butt shot and a belly shot although just one and that shot is different then what I took....that gave me some perspective.  It's like God put that in my path so that I can truly appreciate what Kelly will be going thru.  I know what that shot feels like so it isn't just something that I will imagine, I know....and that gives me a greater understanding of what her experience will be and for that I am happy. 

I have seen my friend Erin do a surrogacy for 3 DIFFERENT families.  Every experience was totally different from the next, but sadly I must say that 2 out of the 3 families didn't treat her well afterwards.  They almost immediately forgot about the sacrifice that she had made for them and began to selfishly almost want to forget that she was part of the equation that equaled their family!!  How in the world could that happen???  I suspect that they didn't take the time to think about every detail of what she did for them.  It isn't just a pregnancy and delivery...it's a syncing cyles, IVF, shots, meds, dr appointments, morning sickness, and also everything else that goes along with pregnancy.  If you have never had the shots you might think how not fun that would be but I am blessed to have the other perspective.  Maybe God knew that I would need that piece so that I feel even more connected to this process and don't feel like I am missing out on any part of it.  I know that sounds weird but when I was being induced with Chesney, the induction started on Monday night and I didn't have her until wed afternoon.  During those contractions the drs had given me a pain pump and told me to push it when I wanted it....I hadn't pushed it and the nurse asked me why and I said because I don't think I will ever deliver a baby again and I want to feel it so that I might be able to remember what it was like.  I guess that probably sounds crazy to some of you and just so you know hers was the most painful delivery I have had so I ended with pain meds...but for that moment I wanted to feel that...I wanted to be present...I wanted to have that experience.  I am so grateful that my pregnancies were full of shots and meds so that I can really be present during this IVF and Gestational carrier process!!! 

I know this blog was a ramble but wanted you to know how I was feeling and I promise to always be candid and honest!!!