Wow God......WOW

OK.....so this is a turn that many of you aren't expecting.  We were certain just a short time ago that adoption was the route we were going to go...although we had been pulled another direction, adoption seemed like the logical and easiest road to go.  After all with adoption as long as you are willing to wait you are guaranteed a baby in the end.  However, there are some things that God had been screaming that we didn't share because we weren't listening.....so here it goes.

When I went for my post delivery appointment with the high risk practice that had followed me with Chesney, I refused to see my dr (it's a long story but for the 3 days that I was in the hospital going thru all that he didn't stop in once to see me).  So I was scheduled with the dr that told me that Chesney didn't have a heartbeat.  I was good with this since she is the only female dr and I felt like she was the most compassionate out of all the drs we saw thru that delivery.  However, the day of the appointment when I was on my way I got a call from the office and they said that they were rescheduling me because I needed to see the dr that actually delivered Chesney.  Well this upset me because although I know that God had him there that day because he was the perfect dr for what we were going thru at that moment, he was NOT who I wanted to see for follow up....he was very cold, very matter of fact, and just not who I wanted to see for the follow up.  So, I turned around and went home to wait for my now afternoon appointment.  Ok, so when I got in with this dr that I didn't want to see for this appointment that I didn't want to have, he was AMAZING!!!  Seriously it was shocking how good he was.  Also turns out the DNA results that we were told would take about another month to get in were back and he had them.  He then told us what we figured all along which was that Chesney's DNA was completely normal but that they found a blood clot behind my placenta.  So I had either abrupted like I did with Grady, or I had developed a clot behind there, either one was what killed our little girl.  But then he went on to spend 30 minutes sitting in the chair across from me and telling me that he didn't advise us to get pregnant again, but that he also didn't advise that we go to adoption.  He said that since we know that we make healthy children if it was at all possible we should look into surrogacy.  OK this wasn't the first time since Chesney's delivery that we had heard that word.  Now I am not a stranger to it either which I will also get into in a bit...sorry this is a long one!!!

OK....so the day after I got home from delivery Chesney, I got a random facebook message from a girl that I went to high school with offering to be a surrogate for us.  We were not even thinking about any of it but began to after that message.  About a week later she emailed me again and said that she realized she couldn't do it....so was this God shutting that door or was it God preparing us for what was to come...depends on how you want to see it.  A few weeks later we had another dear friend of ours offer to do it for us....and although I knew that she was serious and would totally do it if we wanted, I felt like she was doing it because she is such a great friend and loves us so much and not because she really wanted to do it.  So after these events we decided to just say that God was pushing us towards adoption, because going that way there will be no money "wasted" and there will be a baby in the end. 

Now, a week before we met with the adoption agency I got a message from another person offering to be a gestational carrier for us.  Although I knew this offer was different and that she was really serious, the pure thought of the financial cost just seemed impossible and frankly unappealing.  I basically ignored the offer and went to meet the adoption agent.  Then the adoption agent said that we were unlikely candidates to be chosen quickly for adoption because of our bio children, that was a bummer but no real sign that we shouldn't be moving in that direction.  So about a week after that I got a message from this person, let's call her Charis since that name means "grace" or "loving kindness", anyway, during this message Charis said that she really wanted to do this and that she had already checked into her insurance and found out that they would cover the pregnancy and delivery just nothing before.  Well this completely changed the direction of the conversation as I was prepared to tell her that although we appreciated the offer, adoption was the direction we were going to go....but something changed during that conversation.  God totally BLEW THAT DOOR OPEN.  He totally calmed my fear which was the finances and basically told me to sit back and watch how awesome He was!!!  He could handle anything, and even though I thought that I had His plan figured out I had been ignoring what he was saying and just doing what seemed easy or sure. 

Now this leads my to my dear friend Erin.....Erin has be a gestational carrier/surrogate 3 times now.  I have been with her thru the journey and even was invited to the last 2 births, even though I didn't make either one because she decided not to plan them around what I had going on....thanks Erin!!!  I have witnessed this process from her side and have seen what it took for her to do that for someone else...which makes me even more understanding of what Charis has offered to do for us.  Although I have been thru this with her never once have I really thought about what it must be like to be the intended parents (that's what the name of the biological parents who are using a carrier), although I think God blessed me with our friendship at the moment that He did so that I could be blessed with watching it happen and not knowing that our journey would end here. 

That leads me to Charis.  She isn't ready to be identified yet but trust me when I have the go ahead I will tell you all about her because I am forever grateful for what she has offered to do for our family!!  We are moving forward with dr appointments and have already met with the attorneys to make sure we know what all is required and goes in to this.  We are all comfortable so far with what is required of us and are looking forward to blogging about it.  When she is ready she is also going to be keeping a blog which I hope to attach to mine so that you can see the journey from my side and hers, which I think will be very interesting!!! 

Ok so finally I want to say for people like my grandma, who I know are reading this and have no idea what this means.....WE will use a gestational carrier...so they will extract MY eggs and mix it with Jason's sperm....then at the right time they will implant that embryo into our gestational carrier.....hence the address of this blog Our bun...her oven!!!!  So it will be Jason and my biological child but she will be the one pregnant and giving birth.  I also want to say that this has the same success rate as regular IVF, so there is NO guarantee that we will have a baby at the end of this process but I am sure that there is so much to gain from the process that we have decided to just trust that this is where God is sending us and there is a reason for that.  There is only about a 50% chance that Charis will get pregnant and we will have a baby but that is ok...we are excited for the process.  I will blog about the entire thing....the prep, the shots, the dr appointments, and the transfer...and then if she gets prego I will continue to blog about what is all going on thru that process..

I just ask that you be praying for Charis and for the many blessings that I know God is going to be sending her way....it takes a special person for sure to be able to do this.  Also be praying for the entire process and that hopefully we have a baby at the end!!!  Thank you all for reading and I can't wait to bring you along on this exciting journey!!!